What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
08.06.2025 07:02
She was in good health!
I was scared of men, in general
I was 9 years of age.
Why do people stay in cults after they have joined?
But, we were locked up after school.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
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When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I don,t even have a pension.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Have you ever been forced into bestiality?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
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Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She found it foreign!.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Who then, do I blame.?
He knew the spot.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
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And i lived it daily.
I could never make a relationship work though!
When she asked me how she looked .
Why do White people love dogs more than humans?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
What should I do to stop being angered easily?
What did i know ?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
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I said to her
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why does Filipino culture dictate that parents should be treated as gods?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Comes on , in middle age.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I'm pretty sure that my dog is transgender, how would I go about transitioning it?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Have you ever been forced to undress for money just once?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
So whats the point in blame.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
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I was seconnd youngest,
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I have no regrets .
Especially a lifetime of it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was very sick at this time too.
We all went to grammer schools
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My life is so biszare .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Why did i forgive my father ?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I write beautiful poetry .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My family never makes their pension either.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Put me off passion for life!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I never cut or harmed myself..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I couldn’t, believe it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Would this be the day?
She loved him until the end.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Im still living with it.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She wouldn,t have been !
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Where the ultimate outsiders.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Ive learnt so much.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
So, i spoilt her more .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
This is soul school!.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I think the readers, may guess!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We were not on the streets..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One cannot live in the past .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As i do to all so called friends.?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I will be 64.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I waited trembling.
Was to survive, this bastard.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
All the time i was locked up.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But it wasn’t much.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She married twice! .
It was going to be , some day.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.